Squirrel or louse? An Abe Lincoln story

Abraham Lincoln ran for State Legislature, Congress & Senate. 

(Print from 1953 C & IM Railroad Calendar)

When Abraham Lincoln was a young state legislator, he was not yet the confident speaker he would one day become. In the Illinois General Assembly, surrounded by older and more seasoned lawmakers, he often felt the weight of inexperience. To steady himself, he turned to the one tool that never failed him: storytelling. Before long, both Whigs and Democrats learned that whenever Lincoln rose to speak, a story — and a chuckle — were sure to follow.

During his second term, Lincoln found himself in a heated debate over a bill on state bonds he had introduced. His opponent, Alfred Kitchell, a Democrat from Wabash County, rose to reply. Hoping to beat Lincoln at his own game, Kitchell opened with a story of his own.

Lincoln, he said, reminded him of a man who drank brandy until he fell into delirium tremens and was thought to be dying. A doctor was summoned, tried several remedies, and finally suggested giving the man more brandy. At the very mention of it, the patient revived and cried, “Brandy, yes, brandy — give me some brandy!”

“So it is with Mr. Lincoln,” Kitchell concluded. “The state has already been ruined by the bonds he advocates, and still he cries for more. As the drunkard cried for ‘more brandy,’ so Mr. Lincoln cries for ‘more bonds’.” [1]

The chamber laughed. Lincoln was expected to answer — and in kind.

Kitchell was known for two things: his large, shaggy eyebrows and his habit of making a great fuss over small matters. Lincoln rose slowly, letting the room settle.

“Mister Speaker,” he began, “the attack of the member from Wabash on the constitutionality of this measure reminds me of an ol’ friend o’ mine. A peculiar‑looking old fellow, with shaggy, overhanging eyebrows and a pair of spectacles under them.”

Lincoln then told the story of the old man who, one morning, thought he saw a lively squirrel on a tree outside his home. He fired once. Then again. Then again. Thirteen shots in all — and the squirrel never moved.

Frustrated, he told his son something must be wrong with the rifle.

“Rifle’s all right,” the boy replied. “But where’s your squirrel?”

“Don’t you see him, humped up ’bout halfway up the tree?” the old man insisted, peering over his spectacles.

“No, I don’t,” the boy said — then looked closely at his father’s face.

“I see your squirrel. You’ve been firin’ at a louse on your eyebrow!” [2]

The chamber erupted. Lincoln let the laughter crest before delivering his point:

Kitchell, he said, had been doing the same thing — firing away at something that wasn’t there.

The bill passed.

That day, Alfred Kitchell learned what many others would learn in the years to come: Lincoln’s stories were not just ornaments. They were instruments — sharp, precise, and devastating when he chose them to be. 

This is another anecdote from Abraham Lincoln, Storyteller.

Mac

📚 Works Cited

[1] This exchange on the floor of the Illinois General Assembly took place on February 26, 1841, and was reported in the Sangamo Journal on March 5, 1841. See “Debate in Illinois Legislature Concerning Sale of State Bonds” (February 15, 1841) and “Remarks in Illinois Legislature Concerning a Bill for Completion of the Illinois and Michigan Canal” (February 24, 1841), in Collected Works of Abraham Lincoln, 1:238, 243–44. Also see Burlingame, Abraham Lincoln: A Life, 1:164–65.

[2] Leidner, Gordon (2015) Lincoln's Gift: How humor shaped Lincoln's Life and Legacy. Naperville, IL: Cumberland House. pp. 32-33.